Combat Boots II

my daughter scrubs dried mud from the soles of her combat boots

fashion boots for seventh grade

with the buckles and the laces and the hooks

I ask her

how did they get so muddy?

oh

she tells me

I had to stand outside in mud during the active shooter drill

at school

I don’t respond because I don’t know what to say

you know

she says

we had a drill because of what happened

at the school in Michigan this week

I let out the breath I'm holding and say

I’m so sorry that you had to do that

It’s no big deal

she reassures me in her cheerful way

it was only for ten minutes

I nod and think

but I don’t mean the mud I mean

the drill

I mean you’re just a kid

my

kid

and it

is

a big deal

that you could be shot in school

and we just live with that reality

I mean I’m sorry it’s such a mess

let me clean them for you

boots can be scrubbed clean

but some messes feel too big

I’m just another mother, that’s all

cleaning mud off boots

just another mother who doesn’t want her kid shot in school

what can I do?

these boots aren’t actually meant for combat