Thoughts on Grief

Grief reminds me of what we have lost and gained—it is an emotion tied to the

constant cycles of growth and change. When I think of shedding as the process

of becoming, leaving behind, or moving forward, grief visits my thoughts and

fills my heart with nostalgia towards the lives I’ve lived and the people that

were in it—a reminder of those I no longer know, faces that can no longer rest

on my open palms as I feel their cheekbones stretch outwards forming a

warmth smile, bonds that have dissolved, promises unfulfilled, or memories I

try to keep alive. But in all of it, duality still exists, like a door that closes for

another to open, like light and darkness, like right and wrong, like rejections

and lessons, life and death.

Grief has taught me that it’s okay to miss what no longer lives in my present as

long as I remember how to bring myself back to the sound of my heartbeat or

the opening of my chest as I breathe deeply. But the truth is, I am the kind of

soul who saves train tickets, plane tickets, letters, roses, stickers, or any item

that holds a memory I do not wish to forget. Sometimes I can’t look into the

box that holds the millions of stories screaming to be heard, seen and felt—

once again. That is when I had to remind myself that growth needs balance,

which calls for me to not live in the past but still remember its lessons. Growth

is like the answer to the question you desire to know most but fear how it may

change you later. For a long time, I danced with grief without looking at it

straight in the eyes and accepting its presence: but after I did, I found power in

seeing, welcoming, listening, and loving all parts of me as an opportunity to

heal, to grow.