Beatles Beef

Recently, a person said to me, “The ONLY good Beatles song is ‘Get Back’ and this is undisputed.” (*COUGH* co-editor of Olney Magazine *COUGH* *COUGH*) In response to this drastically mistaken opinion, I decided to list twenty of my favorite Beatles songs, with some context added, all mainly for the benefit of one of our editors. This was magnificently difficult considering the unfathomably high number of great Beatles songs, but my hand was forced. You won’t enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed listening to The Beatles, but I hope you might enjoy it a little—somehow.

“All I’ve Got To Do” (With The Beatles)

My fiancée and I chose this song as our future wedding dance. It’s a simple song with straightforward lyrics. Deep love and reliability. That’s what I want from a partner. This song expresses that, and it also happens to be catchy as hell. (Also, there is a beautiful duet cover on Youtube that is only bass and vocals. I encourage you to listen.)

“Happiness Is A Warm Gun” (White Album)

She’s not a girl who misses much.

She’s well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand like a lizard on a window pane.

Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy working overtime.

I need a fix cuz I’m going down.

When I hold you in my arms and I feel your finger on my trigger, I know nobody can do me no harm, because Happiness Is A Warm Gun.

The lyrics speak better than I can.

“Rocky Racooon” (White Album)

Never were The Beatles more indebted to Bob Dylan than on this song. That’s okay though. The Beatles were at their best when they took inspiration and ran with it. Rocky was just a heartbroken raccoon who had to watch his lover dance with another mammal in the ballroom adjacent to his favorite pub. Naturally, to cope, he drank a boatload of gin. The rest of the story tells itself.

“Her Majesty” (Abbey Road)

This may seem a weird pick. It’s only 20 seconds long and feels like an afterthought in terms of the legendary Abbey Road songs list. But for me, it’s not. My dear friend Pat has always loved this tune, so I may be a tad biased, but I think there is an argument to made on behalf of this song. It’s short and sweet, yet it says so much. It captures “Love at first sight” better than any song I’ve ever heard. If you’ve ever become nervous talking to your crush then this song should speak to you.

“Something” (Abbey Road)

The first time I saw my fiancée, she was walking into the niche cigar bar I used to manage. I had a secret crush on her long before we even spoke, but I was already in a relationship, so I had to keep my interest at bay. I made her some novelty coffees and her daughter gourmet hot chocolates. She would return every few weeks. I always noticed her. Her presence made my heart race, if only for a few moments.

Eventually, we really met. She was bartending at a popular local bar. I didn’t have my ID for some reason. She recognized me from our coffee and hot chocolate moments.

My dumbass friend was planning on giving her his number but I was having *none* of that. Immediately, I stole a napkin, wrote my name and number on it and signaled that I wanted a drink.

Some other bartender showed up. I said that I changed my mind and waited until *my* bartender was available. Eventually she made her way to me.  Only then did I order my drinks. Miller High Life and a shot of tequila.

She announced my total and I grabbed my wallet. I probably tipped her four hundred percent. I wasn’t paying attention to my money at all; all I cared about was that I managed to slip her my number as I was paying my bill.

Something in the way she moves attracts me like no other lover.

“Getter Better” (Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band)

Most people only hear the main melody: I’ve got to admit it’s getting better, it’s getting better all the time! People often miss the background vocals, though: IT CAN’T GET NO WORSE!

The Beatles added dark humor all throughout their lyrics. This one just happens to be especially poignant.

“I’m Looking Through You” (Rubber Soul)

This song has so many layers. At first, it’s easy to relate. We’ve all been scorned somehow, some way. In fact, the song is clearly written from the perspective of a person whose lover has changed over time (and as a result, moved on). But the lyrics also tell another story. They inadvertently tell the story of the other person, too.

That antagonist has grown, but the protagonist has failed to grow in sync. The beauty ofthe song is that it manages to tell the story of both characters from only one perspective. Truly genius. 

“Tomorrow Never Knows” (Revolver)

It’s not a coincidence that middle-aged Don Draper (played by Jon Hamm in Mad Men) listened to this song in an attempt to understand younger generations during the ’60s. Just the phrase itself (“tomorrow never knows”) is potent. It perfectly evokes the mystery of the future. The unknown.

I had the delight of witnessing John Lennon’s son  (Sean Lennon) perform this song with Les Claypool. No, I wasn’t watching the Beatles, but the two musicians found a way to channel The Beatles’ originality and moxy

“A Day In The Life” (Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band)

Many people consider this to be the greatest song of all time. I don’t like to put such impassioned and resolute claims into published territory, but I won’t argue with it either. Lennon and McCartney play heavily into their strengths and styles in a way that is not so much complementary, but overtly contrasting. This could have led to discord (and at times it does), but instead it created a wonderful juxtaposition. The point or theme of the song is not obvious. In fact, one could argue that there isn’t a point at all. But that somehow doesn’t matter. “A Day In The Life” is one of the best songs ever made.

“Don’t Let Me Down” (Let It Be… Naked)

I think every person on this earth needs a dependable companion. This song reminds me of a few close friends that have always been there for me, and it now makes me think of my beautiful best friend and lover. I’m sure she won’t let me down.

“In My Life” (Rubber Soul)

Many people cross paths with us during our lives. Some paths will intertwine and remain connected to ours till we die. Others may only briefly intersect. All of those connections are important, though. We don’t learn how to become our best selves overnight, and we certainly don’t figure it out alone. This song is a simple and beautiful tribute to every person that has made a difference in someone else’s life.

“I’m Only Sleeping” (Revolver)

One of the most ethereal songs I’ve ever heard. The backwards guitar solo (debated to be the first in published recording history) lends to the song’s hazy, groggy atmosphere. If you ever want to just lay in bed all day, you’ll understand.

“Nowhere Man” (Rubber Soul)

I think even the most confident people feel lost sometimes. Perhaps, as you’re reading this, you may feel like your life journey has been compromised. It’s not a pleasant feeling, but you should take comfort in knowing that everyone feels that way sometimes.

“Nowhere Man” has always reminded me of America’s classic hit “Horse With No Name” because both songs address the inherent aimlessness that all people feel at some point in their lives.

“Helter Skelter Take 2” (Anthology 3)

The uncut, stoned-out, blues version of one the first “metal” songs. Charles Manson was notoriously infatuated with the official version. I have always wondered if he ever had the chance to listen to the Anthology version. Take 2 is gritty, barely mixed, swampy and full of soul. Ironically those are all adjectives that would apply to the “heavy” version too, but this bluesy version is marginally mellower and perfectly slower.

YOU MAY BE A LOVER BUT YOU AIN’T NO DANCER!!!

“Martha, My Dear” (White Album)

Contains perhaps my favorite lyric of all time: If you find yourself in the thick of it, help yourself to a bit of what is all around you.

“I’m So Tired” (White Album)

I have had so many moments like the one described in this song. Bourbon and cigarettes. Probably drugs. Thinking about love and it’s enigmatic bull shit. Blaming myself. Exhausted from it all.

I’m so tired… I think I’ll have myself another cigarette.

“Sexie Sadie” (White Album / Anthology 3)

Truthfully, I love this song because of a dog. Growing up, my dad’s friend had a Miniature Pinscher named Sadie. At the 5 years of age I always found it weird that they affectionately called her “Sexy” Sadie. 

Only when I was in my late teens and began delving into the full Beatles discography did I realize that the tiny Mini Pin was named after a Beatles song. So over time, it became funnier to me. 

The song’s actual message is about someone in love (or infatuation), who becomes increasingly upset at real or perceived slights. There is a certain air of obsession emanating from the protagonist, though the lyrics are vague.

BUT… the lyrics also make sense if you pretend that they are about a small dog doing something bad, like peeing on a carpet:

Sexy Sadie you broke the rules. You laid it down for all to see.

Sexy Sadie you’ll get yours yet, however big you think you are!

The imagery of little Sadie looking up guiltily at her owners, having laid it down for all to see, always makes me chuckle.

“Golden Slumbers”  (Abbey Road)

It felt like cheating to pick the entire infamous Abbey Road medley, so I decided to pick the song that moves me the most.

“Golden Slumbers” is a lullaby—about someone singing a lullaby. It’s beautiful. Paul has an air of Sinatra in his voice, but not in such a way that he sounds derivative. And when it really counts (Smiles AWAIT you when you RISE), he belts the lyrics with his unmistakable Paul McCartney scream, throaty and dynamic, followed with a comforting, pitch-perfect falsetto.

Much like Hey Jude and Let it Be (two timeless, anthemic McCartney-written Beatles songs), Golden Slumbers feels larger than life. But it’s more delicate. It’s brief and sweet, just like the lullaby described in the lyrics. And, it’s merely one movement of that aforementioned medley, so it’s part of something bigger than itself.

Golden slumbers fill your eyes

Smiles await you when you rise

Sleep Little Darling do not cry

I will sing a lullaby.

“When I’m Sixty-Four” (Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band)

When I’m sixty-four, I hope to be happily married to my beautiful fiancé. I hope that our kids are thriving with their own unique personalities. I hope to be thriving myself. And I hope that I can feel as comfortable as this song, with its warm clarinet melodies and (mostly) wholesome lyrics, makes me feel.

I say “mostly” because there is always that one signature Beatles line that’s beaming with cynicism. It sticks out like a sore thumb though, so I’ll let you find it on your own.

“You Really Got A Hold On Me”  (With The Beatles)

Okay, so this one might be cheating. The Bealtes didn’t write this song. Smokey Robinson did. And even worse, I prefer the Smokey version. However, I was introduced to this song by the Beatles and it will forever be a personal classic.

We’ve all had moments with the ones we love where we unequivocally dislike them. These moments are intensified, they even  feel like the end of the world, when it happens between you and the love of your life.

But that person is the love of your life because they’ve really got a hold on you, and because you don’t love them for who you want them to be, but for who they are.

Thanks for reading my beef-list! You should check out all these songs, and I’ll see you back here next month for more!