Time: Donuts of the Heart

There is a popular saying among J Dilla fans: “J Dilla Changed My Life.”

At some point, the saying was printed on stickers. Now it’s adorned on MPCs, guitar cases, and car bumpers across the world.

Last month (February 7th), James Dewitt Yancey (J Dilla, Jay Dee, JD) would have celebrated his 48th birthday. He passed away in 2006 at the behest of Lupus and a rare blood disease.

In his honor, author Dan Charnas published a best-selling book about the late wunderkind, Dilla Time: The Life and Afterlife of J Dilla, the Hip-Hop Producer Who Reinvented Rhyhm. I’ve yet to read it due to its length and my schedule, but I am tremendously eager to dive in. I’d never not want to learn more about Yancey’s life and legacy, so I’m thrilled about these stories, aggregated using the hundreds of interviews and other sources pursued by the author. 

Here, I don’t write about Dilla’s life. (That’s already been done better than I ever could, several times over.) But I do talk about the utter genius of J DIlla and how one of his albums, his swan song Donuts, affected my life. If I had to choose an all-time favorite album, Donuts would be it.

I don’t recall when I first listened to J Dilla’s music. I probably didn’t know I was hearing him at the time. If I had to guess, it was probably Common’s prolific album Like Water For Chocolate (named after the seminal novel). Dilla produced on nearly all of the songs.

The first time I listened to a solo J Dilla album was 12 or years ago at the suggestion of a very close friend (who is also an obsessive music listener). On the cover: Yancey’s bright, wide smile. His black Detroit Tigers ball cap hides the rest of his face.

DEATH, LOVE & DONUTS

I have no fully-realized explanation for why Donuts is so important to me. I do, however, know that it simultaneously provides me with escapism and encourages self-reflection.

My love affair with this music grew stronger over time, and it grew exponentially as I introduced it to the people I love around me. We shared experiences with Donuts. Sometimes it was just the soundtrack to a memorable day or night. Other times, it was me and my closest friends talking about how goddamned brilliant the album is— from the second the “Outro” starts until the “Intro” finishes.

The intro is the “Outro” and the outro is the “Intro” because the progression of  the track list is circular… like a, wait for it… donut. The implication is that the music can be repeated without intermission, as needed. 

Plus, vinyl records are shaped like donuts. (See? Layers. Layers like an icing finish, doughy body, and cream-filled center.) (Sorry.) 

Yancey was savant-like in his ability to sample records. He was innately capable of hearing a song and knowing how to flip it. (“Flip” meaning to take a sample and reimage it as something new.) Also, he was told to be incredible at organizing his record collection. 

TW// Long Sentence 

A story about the legendary producer includes an anecdote where Dilla was making a beat, decided he needed a hand-clap for it, so he immediately stood up and walked over to his record shelf, picked the vinyl he had in mind, and dropped the needle exactly where he needed to to sample the exact hand-clap he was looking for.

That’s insane.

As I said Donuts is filled with meaning. Love is frequently explored. The source material of the samples is filled with songs about love. And even after Dilla’s repurposing of the audio, love is still a prominent theme. Love for life, for the people around him, for music (especially vinyl-pressed music), and, according to his mother, for sugary morning treats. Other concepts are touched upon as well.

But Donuts is unavoidably about death, and coming to terms with its inevitability.

Yancey was hospitalized for a large portion of the album’s creation, sick from the aforementioned illnesses. His family, friends and musical collaborators brought him, to the hospital, crates of vinyl records and sampling equipment.

In “Stop!”, Jay Dee takes a snippet of Jadakiss’s song “Why?” The actual lyric: “Is dat real?”

But Dilla contorts the audio to sound like it’s saying, “Is d-d-death real?”

Truly, it would be hard to argue that death wasn’t on Yancey’s mind while he was making the album. The last two songs before the outro (also two of my favorite beats by any producer, ever) are titled “Bye.” and “Last Donut of the Night.” Coming to terms with leaving this Earth, but in the most beautiful way.

The outro, titled “Welcome to the Show (Intro)” includes the lyrics “If I could be the man you thought I’d be.” It’s hard to not image him… sitting in a hospital bed, ruminating on his life, actions and character. The closing track suggests a new beginning born from an ending.

A donut, symbolically, when placed in the framework of life and death, also reminds me of reincarnation. Maybe we’re talking the “circle of life” a la The Lion King. Or perhaps, reincarnation doesn’t have to be so literal or scientifically-explained. Yancey’s body has succumbed, but his music will never die; and It will be transformed into something new as long as current and future musicians make new art inspired by his work.

Because I’ve listened to Donuts so many times, it is hard to pinpoint exactly how it has impacted me. I can offer some thoughts, though.

There are would-be forgotten memories forever burned into the music. 

Several of these memories are from a long road trip with friends, probably to visit other friends or go to a concert. Others are hazy because they were created during strong LSD experiences. (Dilla’s music always calmed me down when I was “tripping” a bit too hard.) And to this day, many of my favorite Donuts moments occur when I’m alone. I may take a longer commute to and from work— just enough time to listen to the album start to finish— so that I can feel the peace of mind that I get from Jay Dee’s wisdom.

Yancey’s appreciation of love and his calm acceptance of death remind me to (try to) treat my own life with the same enlightenment. Donuts tells me to cherish those I love around me, embrace the beauty and madness of life, and move forward into the unknown with a little less fear.

The fine details may be tucked away in the ether of my memory, but that is how J Dilla changed my life.