The Watcher: All-Star Edition

You hear that? That faint noise, crest over the evening sky? That’s the sound of NBA arenas in Canada because they aren’t letting anyone near Toronto due to COVID and the only living thing they are letting into Canada right now is beavers. It’s also a little past the halfway point of the NBA season, the All-Star game is this weekend, and we STILL don’t know what to make of the Lakers. I take that back, we know. It’s just not good. 

So, it’s time to once again sit back and take a look at the season so far and ponder the questions that may leave us with unfulfilled answers. Allow me to be your guide though these vast new realities that I just made up and truly don’t understand…even though I just made them up. Follow me and dare to face the unknown. All while pondering the question: What If….?

What If…the All-Star Game allowed for 10-Day contracts

If you haven’t noticed so far this season, the NBA, as well as every other major corporation or sports leagues, is still having issues with COVID. To put it lightly, COVID is putting up 1972 Kareem stat lines every night and looking for it’s 3rd MVP (Most Viral Pathogen) for the 3rd year in a row. Players are missing games and basically throwing a wrench in an speculation as to what who the best teams in the league are.

However, it’s also creating weird and rather fun, mismatched line-ups of players for each team, every night. Teams are having to go deep into the bench and into their D-League teams to get viable players to play alongside established players on a night-to-night basis. Lebron James is playing next people who were, 24 hours earlier, getting into a used Honda Civic to hit the gym in the middle of Nowhere, Iowa for a chance at a big time call up. There are fans, nightly, that come in more contact with Lebron than some of the guys that had to be picked up to fill roster spots.

At COVID peaks, the NBA was THIS close to sending in random people on team staffs into games. We would have gotten stories of the baseline mop kids putting up respectable PERs. We are now past the Deltacron variant of COVID and I’m sure we will get to the next big spike in case from COVID-2001: A Space Odyssey or whatever the next major variant is, so I don’t see these “replacement” player issues going away. So, why shouldn’t the NBA league office just lean into the madness?

What would happen if, for one season, they amended the All-Star game rules to allow for D-League and 10-day contract call ups. If enough guys get sick or miss time, it isn’t like the replacement of the replacements are going to be particularly legitimate, i.e. how can you really be considered an All-Star if you are the replacement for 3 guys who were voted in before you. At least with the G-Leaguers, they would be showcasing players that should be showcased more often than they are.

I mean, there are multiple of players with leading All-star ballots that have barely enough games played to qualify. Between injuries, healthy and safety protocols, and random non-vaccination status (looking at you, Kyrie), that it might be incredibly interesting and fun to just have call-ups come in the game if a voted All-star can’t fulfill the duties.

Imagine Khris Middleton missing the game because of illness and the Bucks’ Staff calling up his replacement from their G-League affiliate in **checks notes** Oshkosh, Wisconsin. I have no idea who is on that roster, and neither do the NBA players. I’m willing to bet that you could literally grab Carl Stevenson, from Clever Carl’s Used Cellphone and Tile Flooring Emporium to play shooting guard and no one would bat an eye, if asked if that person was on an NBA roster. I can see fans tuning in “Joes vs Pros” style to see any of the replacement players do well at all, given the gap in overall talent. Adam Silver, you want alternate income streams? This one is for free.

What If…the WNBA played in the All-star game? No one is playing Defense anyway

Speaking of “Not quite NBA Players who should be recognized”, the WNBA would like a word. They have just received 75 million in funding, they are good as hell at the sport and they have some of the best hoops related merchandise on the market (Don’t believe me, ask your favorite rapper why everyone is wearing those bright orange hoodies with the WNBA logo on them). 

This one feels like a no brainer, but again so did sliced bread and that literally took hundreds of years after the invention of bread loaves to develop. Just let them play in the All-Star game already. 

It makes perfect sense. 

WNBA players have been playing in the Celebrity game and the Saturday activities for years, and consistently bring some good-natured fun, or at the very least, additional interest to the event. It’s not like they aren’t good, they just constantly have to fight the rhetoric regarding their “Not as exciting as the guys” play, while still putting out a good product. “But Kyle, they don’t dunk” - why would they have to when most of the 10 plays in the NBA are step-backs and long 3s?

Steph Curry doesn’t dunk and he is one of the most electrifying players on planet earth. “But Kyle, they couldn’t match the physicality of the game with grown men?” - it’s not like the NBA All-Star is a showcase of physical defensive play either. Nobody in the game is playing with any inclination of stopping the other team from scoring. Giannis is a 4-time All-Defensive team member and if someone is coming down the lane in the All-star game, he might as well be a deputy in a western, asleep with the jail cell keys around his waist. He is providing no resistance. 

So, what if the powers that be, just let 4 of the top WNBA All-Star vote-getters be added to the last two bench spots in the All-Star game for each team? First off, they may NOT get shown off in the game for very long due to being at the end of the bench and only getting limited playing time. However, they might get the PERFECT run on the court because players will probably want to guard them less.

A lot of these guys are headstrong and, though nice enough, play with a competitive attitude with everything. Lebron once burned a tape of him getting dunked on in a free run when he was younger. There is no way he lets Liz Cambage rock him to sleep out on the wing, even if it’s all for charity.  Is it sexist? Yes, for sure, but we still live in a basketball society that would be set a blaze if one of it’s best got served up on a platter by a WNBA player, even with similar skill between the two.

One funky play and then your’e a meme, and not a cool kind either. You are prime “Crying Jordan” meme material until further notice.

Personally, I find this to be the best outcome, seeing as the expansion of the sport is the greater goal. By having them in there, it gets more eyes on the product. WNBA players routinely have to play overseas in the off-season because they aren’t paid enough in the States. Something as simple as playing in a meaningless game with some of the best in the world, might lead to WNBA games not just being seen as little more than a novelty in the US. There is a lot of good that can come with men and women just simply sharing the space presented.