Leigh Chadwick

I learned that people are obsessed with learning. I learned that I have to eat bacon and cheese for breakfast, or I might forget the love I used to feel when a stranger’s eye caught mine as I crossed Winchester on a morning walk. Well, not love. I learned that love might not be real. I learned that even if I say certain words, I might only mean them as much as my cat who rubs against my leg after forgetting it already ate two breakfasts. I learned that I can go 618 days without seeing my family and only just start to miss them. I learned that wheat, onions, beans, apples, nectarines, garlic, and dairy make me sick, and that 4,725,899 people can die and someone will still call it a hoax. I learned that I am autistic. I learned that I want more. I learned the lie of an evening and how long it takes for my desires to become my desires. I learned that feelings come and go. Like fathers. Like love. Like 617 empty days.