More Funyuns than Kisses
Mars pulling me
right out of my skull
thru my window
drawing that soft
copper bead on me
moon full behind
my curtain but not
Mars not tonight,
tonight the air
is so sugared
with rain it makes
me sad like Vermont,
like wet ankles in alfalfa
& blonde oxen
with dewy horns,
like jewelweed or
hearing a loon
in real life &
not in The Wind In The
Willows on VHS,
or that lunar
eclipse in the
cemetery on our
backs drinking
whiskey from a
flask. It's the easiest
thing in the world
to be sweet sad
at 2 a.m. in June.
I remember
being in love
but not loving it.
I think a part of you
dies or becomes
unfeeling when
you've experienced
violence not unlike
the moon slithering
behind a curtain
when you're called
upon to perform
affection. Vermont
wasn't violent but I
think maybe I was or
am a conduit
staked to the Earth
waiting for lightning
to hit me over &
over. Does the rod stop
feeling the lightning
or does it burst?
Remember the pines
on the ridge in El
Rito New Mexico, every
one striped with lightning
or the bolt that hit
by the house in Española
so close we tasted
ozone, felt our hair
stand up & later finding
the tree it struck
& beneath it a single
dead woodpecker
with a red head
& a yellow jacket
crawling from it's chest.
There goes Mars behind the
curtain now too, trailing
the moon like a red dog, a truck
in the street tanging the air
with diesel. How many Funyuns
did I eat in Vermont?
More Funyuns than kisses
or PBRs or stars. Those
were hard times, for real
awful so depressed
& sick all the time.
I don't miss that but
I miss the time I woke up
everyday at 5am & crawled
outside. It was October,
Mars was setting, the
sun turned the leaves
on the ground into pure
red fire to lie down in & hung
the air golden heavy
& sweet, god dammit I was
in love then I know
now for sure in love
with New England
or maybe just myself.
I was afraid of everything
& I still am.
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