The Factor of a One Nightstand
"Every one-night-stand or man in a one-night-stand is like every other one-night-stand or man in a one-night-stand because the sex in a one-night-stand is without the time, and only time allows value."
-Kathy Acker, Eurydice in the Underworld
We all dreamed of superheroes with capes when we were kids, and when we were old enough to talk, we were asked a straightforward question that made us smile.
"If you could have any superpower in the world, what would it be?"
And we would give silly answers that made others grin.
"I wish I could fly."
"Mine would be invisibility."
"Mind control, total mind control."
But now that I'm older and my feet are planted in the ground. I find my roots coming to a stop. My branches reach far, but do not grow any leaves.
Photosynthesis seems far for me.
I conjure smiles on my face and give waves to the ones who found their superpower, hoping that one day the air from their waves touches my hand and sparks a sleeping ability that I call super.
And I'm asked the question again.
"If you could have any superpower in the world, what would it be?"
I want the power of love.
I want to be able to fall and not care where I land. I wish that instead of thinking two steps forward, I lived in the now and stopped overthinking everything and every unnecessary detail because no one should live life having one-night stands with others who don't care about whether your name is pronounced Dan-tay or Don-tay.
Because the thing about, one-night stands is, you're not standing at all,
you're drowning, and it doesn't last for one night or one hour, but it lasts for eternity.
And I know some wish an orgasm would last longer or come quicker, no pun intended,
but it is the after effect you should be terrified of.
Your body lying in bed wondering if you should stay or go,
sleeping or waiting
awake to your partner's thoughts about why you aren't leaving yet.
What they didn't tell you in Sex Ed Class was that sex was supposed to make you feel closer to the body next to you.
I want better; I need better.
I don’t need to ask for a heart that will never be mine; I don't need to decompose bodies into my sheets to feel the comfort of another person wrapping their arms around me because it’s cold, and I don't want to sleep with a blanket over me.
Occasionally I feel like I'm the only one with low enough criteria to love me!
Just a tiny stone of love is what I want as a superpower,
just gravel of love that has been run through the mud,
hanged by its throat,
and set on fire would be acceptable.
I want the holy wine of love to go smooth down my throat and break me down to show me who I am.
And I'm asked the question again,
at the damn age of 27!
"If you could have any superpower in the world, what would it be?"
And I say, "Telekinesis."
The supposed ability to move objects at a distance by mental power or other nonphysical means.
Because at least I could move the sun toward me to convert light energy into chemical energy that can later be released to fuel different functions in others’ bodies so that Photosynthesis won't seem so far away.