I just bought a house in a developing neighborhood but don’t worry, our family isn’t racist or unknowingly contributing to rampant displacement or anything. Hey there, and welcome to our new house! Make yourself at home.

This “holiday” sucks. How did we even get to it? I’d do the research if I cared more about it, but I am just going to assume it was some guy in the 16th century named Bob who once put a dead rat in someone’s mutton as a joke, and now people fake pregnancies just for shits and giggles. We do not need this holiday anymore. April 1st 2020 is the day the siren song of bad jokes and insensitive pranks died. Between a reality show President who ignored a global pandemic and every single commercial brand trying to be the lamest on social media, we are better off just cancelling the whole thing.