I’m not writing about music in this one per se. I’m writing about the recent suicide of my good friend Nathan, who just so happened to be a preternaturally talented musician.

To be fair, most of my close relationships with people have something to do with music. But Nate and I shared the experience of being drummers in our respective high school bands. (Spoiler alert: I was good and he was WAY better than me.)

Consent is necessary, but also sexy! It doesn’t have to be awkward. It might feel awkward at first, but think of it like a muscle: the more you use it, the easier and stronger that muscle becomes until you get to a point where not checking in and asking consent will feel awkward. Check in to see if they are okay, and if they don’t seem to want to talk about it that’s okay too. If it’s not a “hell yes!” it should be a “hell no!”

When I opened them I marveled at a large dinner plate adorned with a vivid orange monarch and then I , like all the times before, meticulously repackaged it, placing the boxes in the back of my closet. They were stunning and I dreamed of the day that I would have a home for myself and use them. As I mused, however, I never suspected that nearly two decades would pass before I would open those boxes again.